the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
