so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
