WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
