At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
