After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
