Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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