You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
did i walk over a car last night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize