I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
