I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
