She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
