dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
