Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
