Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
