You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
