I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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