know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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