i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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