so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
