She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
