Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
