i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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