her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
