its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
