Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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