I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
