I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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