My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
