So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
