The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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