Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
this just has baby written all over it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
