So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
