I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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