My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
