I cannot find my penis.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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