I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
