My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
