Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Boobs are out for the taking
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
