Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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