I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
