Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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