i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
