I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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