What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
