She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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