By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
