using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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