420 ftw
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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