I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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