im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
