If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
