I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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