Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
