you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
