Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
