And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
