Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
