It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
