Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
