It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
