There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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