Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
