I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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