you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
