I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
