dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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