forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
