omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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