One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
