you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
