Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
