I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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