The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
